were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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