Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
