community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
