I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
