if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
