i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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