you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
