i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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