good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
