yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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