Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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