I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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