she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
