We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
