when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
