He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize