I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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