I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
