So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize