I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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