its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
