Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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