I wish I only lived at night.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
