so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
