I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
