You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
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