Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
