Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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