first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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