i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
