remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
