dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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