last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
