You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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