his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
