Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
