by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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