I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
