Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
