You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
