im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
this beer tastes like vomit already
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Randomize
