Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
