i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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