oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I deserve this hangover.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
