Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
