Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
