Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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