YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
