Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
