Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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