that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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