My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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