the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
