She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
