You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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