Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
