It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
