i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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