I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
