I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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