come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
