Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
