HIV tests are more positive than that guy
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
