I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
