It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
