he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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