Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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