I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
