I just threw up on my dentist
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
