thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I want her autograph on my taint
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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